NO things don't change

So today is just another day to show me things are not changing. The kids keep asking why there are so many flies. I stated it could be that we need to clean and as I go to the kitchen and find the dishes that I cleaned still sitting there. There are also so many dirty dishes that it is disgusting. Yes maybe I should have cleaned them but I run out of time. Work, homework, laundry, and family takes my time but there are others here that do have time. I really wish that he would realize that he is making my life so hard. Today I had another one of those spells that I had to take a short nap before driving home. He was frustrated but I thought it was the safest thing to do. Well I better finish my homework and hopefully tomorrow the dishes I washed will be put away. Not counting on that though!

Lazy and not sure how to make him move

Well, tonight was another frustrating night. I had cooked dinner after running and getting 11 kids from school and picking him up after he got off work. I had done all of the dishes and worked on some homework on my day off. As my son was being scolded for not behaving at school and I was trying to get him to work on a paper stating the rules, my youngest kept kicking the wall in her room. I yelled a couple of times and she was not stopping. At this time he was sitting on the couch playing on his computer. I hollered for him to see if he could get the youngest to stop and all he did was yell to stop. If that worked she would have stopped after the three times I had yelled. So in a loud voice I said it might help if you get up off your lazy ass. He gruffed at this but then eventually went to her room to stop her. I am just not sure how to get him to understand the stress he leaves on my shoulders. He then says to me at 9pm that he is going to bed and asks if I have much homework to do. I just laugh and he says goodnight. Is this really all the support I get? Should I make a drastic comment to make him aware of what is happening? I am very frustrated at work and this at home does not help at all. The only good news I have received this week is that my son got approved for the gifted program and he gets an IEP. Yeah finally someone is listening.

Selfish

Well today was ok, I am very frustrated about a lot today. Car needs work and I am off tomorrow. Trying to figure out how to get the kids to school and my car to the shop. I called home to see if he could get a ride and he says no. I then say I guess I can wake up and take him and he says that will be great. Just another time that if it means he does not have to be inconvenienced then he is fine with it. I wish that there was one time when he feels like he could help without expecting something in return.

Starting out

I really started this blog to just get some of my feelings off my chest. There are many things happening in my life and sometimes I feel that things never change. I was married before to an idiot. I look back and can not figure out what I saw in this man. The only thing that came from that 10 year marriage is two great children. More on him later. I swore that I would never marry again. Well I was legally single for about three and a half years and then met someone on line. I did get married and had one more great child. This is where I am at now. I have lost my father tragically after a normal surgery done everyday. I lost a very good friend earlier this year to suicide which has made me very unsure of life. I have many issues going on in my head and hope that someday I can make sense of everything. I am going to college full time, work 40 hrs a week at a job, and then work a part time job about 5 hrs a week. I do not have much free time and am really losing myself in life. Well I will add more later. Goodnight.