The 1st & 2nd day in 2020

Hello,
I started this blog a long time ago and found it recently.  I thought I would try to put a post in here most days. It is nice to be able to go back and read.

Yesterday: 1/1/2020
Mom and I mostly sat and watched Netflix.  It was nice and relaxing.  Mandi was happy because I went and got her McDonalds for dinner and Wendys for Isaac.  I love them all and really try to make them all happy.  Called Ryan and could not reach him at first.  My first instinct was that something went wrong on new year's eve.  But then I did reach him and of course he had just been sleeping hard. He and Jacob worked out a deal and he is giving them (Jacob and Julia) one more chance. Erica stayed home on New Years eve since Donnie was not feeling well, so I missed her on the night before. All was well and we went to bed early as we were all tired.

Today I went back to work in the OP office.  It was good, Jason was nice and everyone else was friendly.  It is weird being there as I have no one that reports to me.  I also saw Matt, he looked angry but was probably just in between meetings.  Either way the day went well and I have more of the job aids complete.  I am glad I get to go back to Lenexa tomorrow. I miss seeing Sam and hopefully she is back in the office also.

All in all day was good.

Bad Day

Ok so here is what happened today. We had a long weekend and did not get any groceries bought, so I was going after work. I called home before leaving work (which was terrible, I will explain more later) regarding dinner going to be late since I had to go to the store and then come home and cook. HE said "I will be ready to cook as soon as you get home" well that meant I will sit on my ass and watch you do everything. So I went grocery shopping and got dinners for the rest of the week and then came home. At that point all of them are sitting playing games and Mandi is sitting eating pop tarts at the table. There are still dirty clothes from the weekend all over the living room floor and dirty dishes all over the kitchen. I then go balistic. I yell at all of them and know that I will have to do it all. I then begin to run dishwater only to find out there is no more dish soap. So while I am cooking, putting groceries away, and cleaning the kitchen...I am checking to see if the kids have homework and taking out the trash. I was livid and not nice to anyone. I yelled and said I wish that I had a family who cared about the way they live. I got attitude from everyone. Again just another thing that shows be things never change.

NO things don't change

So today is just another day to show me things are not changing. The kids keep asking why there are so many flies. I stated it could be that we need to clean and as I go to the kitchen and find the dishes that I cleaned still sitting there. There are also so many dirty dishes that it is disgusting. Yes maybe I should have cleaned them but I run out of time. Work, homework, laundry, and family takes my time but there are others here that do have time. I really wish that he would realize that he is making my life so hard. Today I had another one of those spells that I had to take a short nap before driving home. He was frustrated but I thought it was the safest thing to do. Well I better finish my homework and hopefully tomorrow the dishes I washed will be put away. Not counting on that though!

Lazy and not sure how to make him move

Well, tonight was another frustrating night. I had cooked dinner after running and getting 11 kids from school and picking him up after he got off work. I had done all of the dishes and worked on some homework on my day off. As my son was being scolded for not behaving at school and I was trying to get him to work on a paper stating the rules, my youngest kept kicking the wall in her room. I yelled a couple of times and she was not stopping. At this time he was sitting on the couch playing on his computer. I hollered for him to see if he could get the youngest to stop and all he did was yell to stop. If that worked she would have stopped after the three times I had yelled. So in a loud voice I said it might help if you get up off your lazy ass. He gruffed at this but then eventually went to her room to stop her. I am just not sure how to get him to understand the stress he leaves on my shoulders. He then says to me at 9pm that he is going to bed and asks if I have much homework to do. I just laugh and he says goodnight. Is this really all the support I get? Should I make a drastic comment to make him aware of what is happening? I am very frustrated at work and this at home does not help at all. The only good news I have received this week is that my son got approved for the gifted program and he gets an IEP. Yeah finally someone is listening.

Selfish

Well today was ok, I am very frustrated about a lot today. Car needs work and I am off tomorrow. Trying to figure out how to get the kids to school and my car to the shop. I called home to see if he could get a ride and he says no. I then say I guess I can wake up and take him and he says that will be great. Just another time that if it means he does not have to be inconvenienced then he is fine with it. I wish that there was one time when he feels like he could help without expecting something in return.

Starting out

I really started this blog to just get some of my feelings off my chest. There are many things happening in my life and sometimes I feel that things never change. I was married before to an idiot. I look back and can not figure out what I saw in this man. The only thing that came from that 10 year marriage is two great children. More on him later. I swore that I would never marry again. Well I was legally single for about three and a half years and then met someone on line. I did get married and had one more great child. This is where I am at now. I have lost my father tragically after a normal surgery done everyday. I lost a very good friend earlier this year to suicide which has made me very unsure of life. I have many issues going on in my head and hope that someday I can make sense of everything. I am going to college full time, work 40 hrs a week at a job, and then work a part time job about 5 hrs a week. I do not have much free time and am really losing myself in life. Well I will add more later. Goodnight.